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User blog:AkurnaSkulblaka/AkurnaSkulblaka's Reviews
Well Kid Vegeta and ExtremeSSJ4 told me I should review some fics, so here we go! I am mostly going to point out the flaws in a fic so don't be disappointed when there aren't too many goodies... M'kay! Ratings: A - Astonishing! B - Better. C - Confounded! D - Dunces can write better... F - Fail. I - I think I just threw up a little in my mouth... Sixth Goodies: *Oh my, the writing was very good, it was very well written. *It was well paced, not too fast but not too slow either. *I liked that it was about Krillin and not about other more popular characters like Goku or Vegeta. Baddies: *The dialogue seemed a little forced like the author was uncomfortable writing it. *I don't particularly think that people "Sigh" when in pain ( at least when being slammed against a wall), they more cry out or scream. Final Comments: Hm, the fic was written exceptionally well! It was an enjoyable read. Final Rating: B - Better. Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem Goodies: *Wicked writing skills. *Grammar and punctuation were top-notch. *The spelling was outstanding, not a mistake in sight! *It was about freakin' Buu (Kid Buu was my favourite bad guy in Dragonball Z so naturally this drew my attention.) Baddies: *Just one. Babidi CANNOT beat up Buu!!! Final Comments: it was awe inspiring! I loved it! Although I am not experienced enough to do very good reviews I do think that this was a really good fic. Final Rating: A - Astonishing! Dragonball KC Goodies: *Interesting idea? *Reminded me of the Caramelldansen XD Baddies: *Not a very funny joke... Final Comments: A valiant attempt, but it didn't get the author very far. Final Rating: I - I think I just threw up a little in my mouth... '﻿'''A Mother's Love Goodies: *The idea of putting down the reactions that the peeps at dbz headquarters would have to fanmail ideas is a very good one. Baddies: *I didn't like that it was put in 'email' form (-__-') Final Comments: I think that writing should be an expression of self. Now you might have been expressing your self by depicting your ideas on paper (or in this case... computer...) but writing is an art and if your going to write, keep it the way the antients did it. You don't see Stephen King or Jack London writing in script or email form, now do you? Final Rating: B - Better. Dragonball: Adventures Goodies: *It was about Bardock *The story flowed fairly well. Baddies: *Numerous spelling mistakes *No indents with each new paragraph *The author failed to start a new paragraph when beginning new dialogue Final Comments: Although a tad bit sloppy it was a good little read for me. Well done! Final Rating: C - Confounded! Attack From the Future Goodies: *Alright, it had good spelling and… Baddies: ''While going in his pod, he was hit by a beam *It’s a very plain sentence. You should consider using more colorful and effective verbs. Because this sounds like something a child would write. Why not do: Travelling Hurtling Zooming Voyaging Speeding Flying Any of the above, instead of just ‘going’. *Most of your piece has that same sentence structure, and while fragment sentences can be often used stylistically, overuse can lead to a dry and unsophisticated piece. *The entire paragraph that described Balec was made I short clipped sentences; There was a man. His name was Balec. He had a face. He had that face when he was born. So on and so forth. *''He was ordered to leave Planet Vegeta around 10 hours before the attack on Frieza''. It was Frieza that did the attacking, so it wasn’t an ‘attack on Frieza’ *The description of Balec’s appearance was not done well. You told us that he was thirteen and looked like SSJ teen Gohan. Describe what Gohan looks like! Even if the reader is bound to have watched DBZ it’s just not what a writer does when describing his or her own character. *What was that Olay anti-aging beam that hit his pod? How was it fired? Why was it aimed in his direction? Did the beam want to talk to Balec? You never told us that. It’s a Deus Ex Machina to advance your plot: there’s no use introducing something with neither purpose nor reason if you don’t plan on elaborating on it. *13 all his life? Gary Stu half-assed-immortal-vampire. *You wrote he has a red vest Was he wearing the vest? Or was he just holding it in his hand? *Which leads me to another flaw; “Has” and “had” are two different tenses: present and past. You can’t switch between both without warning; it makes for a sloppy and disorganized piece. So if you put this: He has a red vest with a blue shirt underneath it. He had blue jeans with a pair of black and white Sneakers. : It's unacceptable *There’s no vegetable pun name!!! While this piece was okay, it really needs some improvement. Rating: F - Fail More to come! Category:Reviews Category:Blog posts